in memory (an open letter to america)

a rough, teary  response to the events that unfolded in Orlando yesterday but also a plea for justice deserved by countless individuals before this tragedy. it’s by no means perfect but i just wanted to put something out there and it felt wrong to let their lives be nothing more than a statistic on the news. rest in peace to all those let down by a lack of gun regulation and may you finally be safe away from this place.

. . . 

Your people died as rowboats

caught in the eye of a godless storm but I imagine theirs

were the only kaleidoscope lightning bolts present,

cataclysmic green or blue-

anything but the monotone of statistic, excuse.

There is no consolation for

tongues that’ll never taste salt from neither

tear nor ocean once more,

shipwrecked hearts that’ll only ever be remembered as victims,

as scarred, as a record we never wanted to break.

One hate-filled man may pull the trigger but

his country handed him a loaded gun and

asked him not to shoot.

I too feel the cyclical recoil 4,000 miles away,

gratefully safe but still

hear bodies collapse like a skyline

we’ve rebuilt too many times

to be shocked anymore .

Worse things no longer happen at sea but

in the barrel of this land,

where you seem unable to distinguish

ashes from gunpowder as a rule-

both interchangeable with fuel in a

war with humanity we never asked to fight.

This history will repeat itself as long as

you give it the outdated “right”,

while you blame other people for your legislative faults

and despite all this we’ll still ask

how many more innocent knees

have to buckle like a nations failed policies.

As if any of this was “news”.

As if anything will change

and our world will stop choking on the gun residue.

The Foyle Poem- 10:47 pm

Hello,

I hope you are well and having a wonderful 2016.

Something I haven’t really shared with you is I was lucky enough to be commended in the Foyle Young Poets of the Year Award 2015- unless you know me personally in which case… I just need 5 more minutes?

On 8th October 2015, I traveled up to London to an award ceremony in the Southbank Centre where I met a bunch of wonderful poets and received a handful of prizes including a membership to the Poetry Society *squeals*. We stayed in London for the rest of the day to see the National Poetry Day live event which was incredible. I got to see poets such as Patience Agbabi and Imtiaz Dharker perform as well as receive a talk by the amazing installation artist Robert Montgomery. It was an amazing opportunity.

Anyway, I thought I would share the poem I entered with you. I started writing this at 10:47 pm one night (woah crazy) and kept writing (and rewriting) until 3 am while listening to the rain on my window. It is quite stream of conscious-y and in all honesty, I am not a huge fan but oh well 😉

Enjoy.

. . .

There’s nothing comforting

about this storm;

I’ve learnt not to care much

for these warped raindrop

kind of nights when spring breeze

competes with itself to the

point of crescendo.

The howling wind is

a faulty lullaby now,

all creaking gates and no rhythm.

Sunken bones succumb

to the cement of a mattress-

I shift slightly,

cover my ears as if I were an infant

with eyes like cracked windows,

ajar doors,

screeching car alarms.

They will leave nothing about

me a “secret”.

It’s 10:47 pm

and by no means late.

Still an aching sense of absence quakes

profusely inside of my chest;

I can never seem to shake this feeling

that something is missing.

I am too often still awake when

3 am pervades across my room

like familiar perfume,

clinging to my skin.

I wear tiredness like an oversized jumper-

it wasn’t meant for me but

I guess somewhere between

the first few moments in darkness

and midnight thunderstorms,

I’ve convinced myself that

it’s the only thing that fits.

.

the poem i’ll never finish

Hey,

I hope you’ve all had a wonderful Christmas/holiday season/year in general. Happy (almost) 2016 and have a lovely week. 

Thank you for the support I’ve recieved over the past year; I am unbelievably grateful.

This isn’t everything I have to put into this poem but I don’t feel brave enough to finish writing it. 

Enjoy.

. . . 
the truth is

there’s nothing poetic 

about the way that 

i crave winter and 

the way his fingertips

trace my spine;

the seductively subtle 

reminder that 

i am still able to 

feel something.

i should hate 

the way that 

barren landscapes 

make me feel

slightly less 

like an empty chapel

and yet,

there’s comfort 

to be found in 

the way that the 

world feels 

winter’s touch 

alongside me.

perhaps,

for a short while,

 i can blame the 

cold i often feel 

on the 

change of season?

regardless,

it’s an undeniable shame 

that cracked skin 

still resembles

stained glass shards

in which i 

can no longer

recognise my 

own reflection.

perhaps it cannot be helped.

A Sad Poem (about nothing in particular)

Hello friends,

Hope you’re all well. Another attempt at haiku structure hmm… think I counted the syllables correctly but wouldn’t be surprised if I made mistakes.

Enjoy.

. . .

How strange it is to

feel both heavy and weightless;

to not just be the
restricted lungs and

panic of the Drowning but

also the numbness
of the Drowned; to be

so very aware of your

own existence and yet still
forget to breathe on

much-too-frequent occasions-

yes, how strange it is.

19/10/2015

Hello,

Here’s a quick poem I finished today, inspired by Winchester Cathedral and life stuff. Just been doing a lot of self evaluation recently . Not feeling my best at the moment but ya know. Life. Poemy things shall commence now. Have a great week 😊

Enjoy.

. . .

You stand, 

my constant,

the bitter sweet remnants of what it once meant to be a child;

so wildly unafraid of collapse.

How I admire you.

The “ghosts” that groan

throughout the hollow of your 

stomach are simply not

ghosts at all-

just the distant echo 

of ancient kings.

Instead of haunted, 

you are inhabited by

centuries of wisdom.

Show me how to remain so stable.

Sometimes I wish I could replace 

my bone with your stoic rib cage,

all stone and grafted beams.

Like this, 

I imagine I’d be less inclined to

cry in front of you.

Less familiar with the 

sting of tears and shame of 

falling apart in public.

Still, 

all my steps lead back to this.

Teach me how you’ve 

convinced them to love 

cracked knuckles,

weathered eyes,

each scratch you’ve collected on 

aging flesh because nothing

I do seems to work.

How I envy you,

with every facet on display 

for our viewing-

so painfully honest.

unsolicited advice on growing up (that almost certainly will not help)

Hi guys.

I hope you’re well.

I’ve got a rather long poem today about stuff that has just been playing on my mind recently- not really sure how I feel about it but I think I prefer this piece as spoken word, reckon it suits that style more but let me know what you think. Just feels a bit lengthy to me as a standard written poem… Hmm..

Enjoy.

. . .

To the young girl at the bus stop: 

get used to it.

You will spend a lot of your time 

waiting whether it’s for 

buses or boys or everything to fall into place.

In the end,

none of it will matter so remember

not to measure your worth 

by the weight of your mistakes-

it will take you too long to realise 

that you are greater than the sum of their parts.

Not everything will be okay but

never underestimate your ability 

to crash, burn and then start again.

Allow your heart to become the

wreckage it was destined to be

because it’ll do so without your 

permission anyway.

So learn how to dance through the debris,

breathe amongst the ash,

survive all the fallout.

Master the art of “getting on with it”

because it will often feel like you are 

just a drop in the ocean.

Do not let this stop you from loving 

or being loved;

you are never as insignificant as you feel.

Try to live unapologetically but

never be afraid to say you’re sorry.

You shouldn’t be surprised if the 

words linger in your mouth like 

a first kiss

or tumble from your lips like cheap alcohol-

stay away from cheap alcohol.

But do let yourself be intoxicated on occasion,

whether that’s by a bottle, 

a boy,

a girl

and never regret whatever hangover you’re left with.

Recognise that your parents are trying their best,

they do not know everything-

neither do you.

You are not selfish for walking away

when the ground beneath you starts to crack;

look after yourself as best you can.

Understand that the mirror

won’t always be your best friend.

On the days that you dislike what you see,

I’ll let you know what to do when

I figure it out myself.

29th July 2015

Hello!

I hope you’re all doing well. I’ve got another short poem for you. I don’t really know how I feel about it but I thought is get your opinion! 

Have and good day.

Enjoy.

. . .

The marble skies weighed less that day.

Greys perfectly interlocked like fingers 

and the hands of the clock in the street

tell me it’s time to go home.

I find myself thinking of you

and your hands

and all the plans we are yet to make;

I cannot help but smile

whilst every step takes me 

further away from the smell of rain. 

But for now,

this is enough

until we meet again.

4th April 2015

Hello again, friends!

Firstly, I suppose I owe this tiny corner of the internet an apology for somewhat abandoning it in the last 6 months. Amongst exams and just a general sense of stagnation and disconnection, I haven’t really felt like sharing a lot of my writing. This extended to a lot of my close friends as well.

In my online, or more accurately blogging absence, I’ve kept writing but less frequently if I’m entirely honest. Nonetheless, I thought I’d share a shorter poem I wrote in April when I attempted the 30 day writing challenge; it probably wont shock you to hear I didn’t complete it.

But as usual, I hope you have all been well.

Enjoy.

. . .

It didn’t rain today.

Thought-like clouds remained

dense and thick-

nonetheless,

it did not rain.

The hands of the clock

in the hallway have

long since passed midnight

and I am still waiting-

for the rain,

of course.

Perspective

Hi guys,

I have a rough, little poem I started writing on Valentines Day when I visited a place that is very special to me. I hadn’t been for a while but it was just a beautiful as I remembered. It was initially meant to be haiku structure but to be honest, I wasn’t really paying attention to the syllable count haha! I finished it at 3 am this morning and kind of just wanted it done. So some stanzas are 5-7-5, others aren’t- oops!! I’ll probably come back and correct that later.
Hope you’re well.

Enjoy.
. . .

The sweet remnants of
winter lingers in the crunch
of leaves beneath boots.

I can’t help but feel
guilt like a skeletal hand pressed to
my spine when I think

of the last time I
visited this place, when hours
were measured in the

time it took for rays
of summer to soak into
soft clouds overhead.

It has been months since.
And yet this haven still holds
as much magic as

I had remembered.
You see, this place is why the
word “perspective” was

invented, when the fog
lifts from the horizon and
there’s a clear view

above the city,
cool breeze whispers a promise
of clarity. But

I cannot pretend
that this place wasn’t even
more special when the

space next to me on
this bench was filled- how
I wish you were here.

Anaesthetic

Hi guys,

It has been a little while but I hope you’re well. I have another longer poem for you today. This one in particular is one I would love feedback on as I did work hard on it. I’ve been toying with the title for a while and feels good to have it finished. It’s a different format to my usual stuff so like I said please tell me what you think! I’ve taken inspiration from a handful of spoken word poets with the structure for this too. I’m excited to hear your response.

It is based on the counting down from ten exercise that doctors do when a patient is anaesthetised. In the context of this poem, this could be falling asleep, becoming more steeled to their emotions or any other interpretations- I haven’t decided really. I kind of like the ambiguity. I would also like to add that only some of this is personal experience. Some parts are not related to me directly but are in place to reference the bravery and sadness that some of my friends have felt in the past year.

However I do not want this to be a negative poem as I feel by the end, all the internal conflict that the writer experiences does deplete and some peace is found.

Enjoy.
. . .

Inhale softly.
Lungs, do not give up on me now-
Breathe.
I lie on my back,
stare up at the ceiling,
if only it had tumbled down
when my constellations
became disjointed and broken.
The first time.
Exhale.
Do not make a sound.
Instead,
I think of the last time I laughed,
the last time I told someone I was “good”,
the last time I wrote;
should I be worried these events
were not related in the slightest?
For gods sake,
just focus on breathing.
Feel the valleys between
each rib expand and contract-
slower.
Count down from ten.
Inhale.
Ten.
I listen to the rain upon my window.
It reminds me that even the
sky needs to cry sometimes.
Nine.
I allow my mind to wander
on to kisses in heavy rainfall-
No.
Brain, I hate the way you
insist on torturing me.
Eight.
I pull the blankets closer,
fight the urge to let the cold
air shake me awake.
Everyone knows the cold
just makes forgotten broken
bone ache even more.
Seven.
I close my eyes and question
if the lines between my
reality and imagination have
somehow been blurred-
I do not remember when
“tired” became anything more
than a lack of sleep.
Six.
You see,
darkness has this funny way
of making everything seem
stressful and scary
but no one tells you what to do
when the light starts
doing the same.
Five.
Lord knows I am lucky.
I have seen the best people
be torn down, offered
a hand up, just to
receive another blow to the chest.
But I have also watched
soft faces turn to stone
and I wonder:
when did it become okay for
manipulation to masquerade
as morality long enough to
deliver the final punch.
Four.
Some days it feels like
anger has woven itself
into my daily routine
since I decided that trust
and disappointment share
the same address.
Others, it feels like all
I want to do is talk til 4am
with a complete stranger,
learn their constellations
and stories.
I’ve always found it funny
how my indecisiveness
is the first thing
people notice about me.
Three.
I hear a noise in the darkness.
I shift slightly.
Eyes open.
I pray that no one has
to know the shame that
closely follows relief that
I am still lying here.
Alone.
Two.
Everything slows down.
Time moves as if running
through wet sand.
Everything is smoothed over.
I am okay.
One.
Exhale.